Welcome dearest readers. Or should I say detectives?
You haven’t just entered a web site, you have entered a global investigation. I am the victim. Therefore, I cannot be conducting the investigation too. I am fucked.
I suppose I should make some effort to explain the nature of my fuckedness. Let me make it clear: I am a 39 year old, British Asian divorced woman. I have never had sex because I have vaginismus, so ironically, I have never been literally fucked. But in every other possible meaning of the word, I am fucked. I had a shit childhood, shit education, got a shit job, have come out of a shit marriage, after a shitty divorce, and am sitting here today as a bloody 39 year old virgin who has never been fucked, asking you to help me deduce who fucked me. I also am currently fully overdrawn in my bank account and spend my life working from morning to night, 7 days a week, only to have no money at the end of it. I also have a beard due to hormone problems, and have to get laser hair removal on my American Express card each month. And I suffer from social anxiety, so lockdown has actually been a blessing, because it has given me a legitimate excuse to tell everyone to fuck off and leave me alone, and let me remain fucked in peace. If, as we continue, I think of other ways in which I am fucked, I will let you know. But currently, I am writing this at 2am, in a state of insomnia. It was this or jumping out of the window.
That will do for an introduction.
For many years, I dealt with my psychological troubles and deep-rooted unhappiness like many others: I worked from morning to night and avoided all mankind and social situations to the best of my ability. On the unfortunate occasion that I was forced to socialise, I plastered a smile on my face and vomited out loud and inappropriate comments until it was a respectable hour and I could go home to sleep.
However, the pandemic provided me with the unwanted space and time, forcing me to reflect on all the things that happened to me in the past and accept the truth about my current state: I am f***ed. I cannot pinpoint the exact moment it happened or who is to blame – however, let’s just say that it has got to the point now when it cannot be swept under the carpet anymore.
I know I am not the only one. I recognise that approximately 80% of society is filled with people who have ended up in a state of unhappiness due to no fault of their own. Sometimes, especially when I am on the tube, I look around at the other fuckers, who are sitting on their own with vacant expressions on their faces, and watch the sheer misery in their faces; they hate their partners, or their jobs, or both. But this investigation is not about them. In fact, I don’t give a shit about them. This is an exploration which forces me to delve into my deep, dark, suppressed psyche, history and experiences – but also offers me an external perspective into who the person is who is responsible for my status as fucked.
There are so many possible suspects that I cannot possibly do this on my own. I need an outsider’s objective, rational, thorough, penetrating, meticulous perspective into examining all the relevant evidence; I need them to scan, sort, and decipher through reams of evidence material, memories, details and witness statements. Then, and only then can we come up with a concrete and tangible culprit.
Just a warning: this investigation will not be in any linear or chronological order. I will release small anecdotes, witness statements and any other useful nuggets of information in the order that they enter my fucked-up mind and leave it to you to do with it what you will.
You can try your best to help me by submitting comments and questions on the site as we all try to figure out the answer to the great mystery that is #whoeffedme.
Or you could fuck off too. Who even fucking cares anymore?
Who Fucked Me? 