Suspect O (Ev 19)

I remember when my beautiful baby sister was about 16, I was staying for a night at my parents’ house. The Ogre never liked me staying a night away, for who would cook and serve him whilst I was gone? Who could he exert his control over? However, under the condition that I would return by 10am the following morning, I was permitted to go. Even if I went for a night away on holiday, I had to force my family to check out early so that I could return to him by my curfew.

Anyway, on that particular night, something happened which I still remember clearly. My sister came to me and told me that the Ogre had sent her a dick pic.

“Are you sure?” I asked horrified. I could feel the blood draining from my body. Aside from the utter unacceptability of the act, she was only ten when I had first got engaged, so I just couldn’t understand why he would send a sexual picture to her. Surely he saw her like a child, as I did?

I immediately called him to confront him. He had his narrative prepared. It was supposed to be for me. He had ‘accidentally’ sent it to her. It was because he was ‘missing me.’ I listened to this wretched being who did not contribute financially to the home, knowing the strain I was under; who did not contribute to the chores at home, as it was a ‘woman’s job’; who made me pay for phone contracts so he could distribute upgrades to his friends and family; who made me pay for his car so he could drive around like a prince. And now had sent lewd, sexual images to my sister.

It is a very difficult thing to explain in words why I was too weak to react. I guess when your lived reality is horrific, your body almost goes into a numb denial, or it is easier to believe a lie than to accept a truth. I suppose, I could only compare it to being married to a child abuser, or a serial killer. I accepted his lie, explained to my sister that it was unintentional and aimed at me, and continued to plod along into the life I had become so accustomed to.

My sister knew it was no accident. She was furious at him and even more enraged at me. Until today, I find it hard to forgive myself for not protecting her and being stronger.

But I am glad she was as fierce as she was.